Film: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

Starring: Kristin Kreuk, Chris Klein, Neal McDonough, and Michael Clarke Duncan

Seriously, I watched this because insomnia owns my soul.

On the one hand, this was a movie premised entirely on the idea that (Smallville alum) Kristen Kreuk is pretty and will look good contorting herself. This is pretty accurate, as movie premises go. On the other hand, it’s also premised on the idea that Kreuk is capable of carrying a film as a lead. As I learned with her previous starring vehicle Snow White, she really can’t.

Kreuk plays Chun Li, stalwart of the beloved Capcom Street Fighter franchise. Kreuk, whose acting range fit Smallville perfectly, is an awkward fit here. In Smallville, Lana Lang is expected to be afraid or in danger constantly, and on occasion is expected to look angry at Clark Kent for hiding his secrets from her. At times, Chun Li is required by the script to look afraid, but mostly in flashbacks to her childhood. By the time Kreuk takes the role, Chun Li is equal parts anger and Zen. At no point is her scared face convincing or appropriate.

The film, for no particular reason, gives Kruek the task of narrating the backstory. Perhaps seeking to present her as convincingly un-American, the narration is stunted and slow, almost painfully forced. It actually distracts from the grace of Chun Li’s piano playing and efforts to learn martial arts.

For little to no reason, Chun Li leaves her semi-charmed life to avenge the kidnapping of her father at the hands of a crime lord. Living like a street rat (but without an anthropomorphic monkey), Chun Li learns martial arts and respect for the unjustly treated people she lives with. At some point, she decides to become their avenger and protector. Her decision places her against the crime lord who kidnapped her father, naturally enough. As expected, she beats up a number of his assassins and employees, including Wolverine knock-off Vega and some random woman, because the film requires a video game tie-in and the requisite cat fight.

The crime lord, played by Neal McDonough, also employs Michael Clark Duncan, who explains all of the bad guys’ motivations in a low but pleasant voice, and provides occasional villainous chuckling. Duncan also uses a rocket launchers, because there were a bunch of those in the Street Fighter games, apparently. Apparently the pair are very ruthless and like getting their own hands dirty, because they’re true villains. Even so, the authorities don’t believe they exist.

But Hark! The crime lord angle draws the attention of Interpol agent Chris Klein. Unlike his surprisingly charming turn in American Pie or slightly manic turn in the Ryan Reynolds showcase Just Friends, Klein isn’t really given much to turn his character into someone you care about either way. He attempts to channel the (hyperannoying) throaty growl adopted by Christian Bale in The Dark Knight to good effect, and spouts one liners and clichés that are neither funny nor timely throughout his screen time. Partnered with a lovely Chinese cop, Klein’s agent breaks laws and shouts at people and maybe provides unnecessary romantic tension, but not with Chun Li. This is probably important to the plot or whatever.

Around 45 minutes into its run time, Legend devolves into a series of fist fights and chase scenes that lack the imagination and intensity of your average round of the actual video game. At some point, Chun Li learns how to wire fight and use magic to punch people from several feet away, but only so other, even duller characters can also use wires and magic to stitch the plot together like a ragdoll. Some convoluted reasons are provided for moving characters into different settings for fighting each other, like temples and rooftops and shipyards, but ultimately, nothing makes this movie any different from your average John Cena actioner. Of course, so far, John Cena movies haven’t tried to squeeze your childhood in hopes of getting blood out.